So, the summer is here again, full blown hot and humid, sunny and exciting. When we think of summer many of us think of vacations and fun activities, though many others are concerned with managing work and children as school is out and schedules keep changing.  For the most part though, Summer is often associated with fun in the outdoors and spending time with family and friends doing such things as going to the beach, having friends over for BBQ or pool parties, etc.  and spending more time with others we care about for longer periods of time. 
Yet spending time with others and teaming up with them to plan events and outings can at times be challenging. Some families are pretty good at negotiating conflicts and solving problems. They have developed a system that allows them to navigate through the choppy waters of disagreement while helping everyone feel as if they are being included and heard.  These families have desisted from looking at conflict as something that needs to be avoided at all costs so that no one’s feathers are ruffled. They instead embrace conflict as a natural factor in human interactions and as an opportunity to grow and help grow.
Perhaps mom may want everyone to dry up from the beach, before sitting at the table to have lunch, while the children, and sometimes even dad, may be more pressed by their hunger and less motivated to change into dry clothes.  Maybe there will be nights when some of the of the family members may prefer to play a board game, while others would rather watch a movie on TV. Because conflict is bound to happen when people’s needs are different and/or in opposition, having strategies for dealing with conflict, may not just be helpful but indispensable for a fight-free fun vacation.
Negotiating conflict in an effective manner may be guided by two simple guidelines:

• Keep your own cool! During any given conflict the only person responsible for regulating his or her emotions and keeping his/her cool it’s me. When I expect others to calm me down or “make me feel better”, everyone loses, including me.
• Remember: The problem is the problem! Just because there is a problem it does not mean that anyone is the problem.  The more you focus on the problem “not getting the chairs wet”, “starving after the beach”, the more likely you are to find solutions. For instance, using the balcony furniture to eat may be a good compromise in this case.

Some other tips that may help you negotiate conflict in a more effective manner are:

1. Identify the problem or problems as everyone sees them. Different people may see the same problem differently or see other problems. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, no one is entitled to have it only their way.
2. State the facts. Focus on the present and avoid guilt inducing statements or absolutes such as: “you always get your way”, “we never do what I want”.  You could, instead, focus on what you need or want today and why: “I’d rather watch TV today, because I am very tired and will not be much fun to play with”.
3. Be aware of your feelings and validate them for yourself and others: “It seems you are very tired”, or “I can see you really want to do that” are statements that can go a long way in connecting. Remember, feelings are just feelings they are neither right nor wrong.   At the same time, just because you validated someone’s feelings, this does not mean that you need to accept inappropriate behaviors: “Although you are tired, I would like you to put your swimming trunks to dry, before you go to bed”.
4. Help generate solutions, where everyone has an opportunity to participate
5. Weight (+) and (-) of every solutions proposed
6. Be ready to compromise and agree to disagree. You may not get all you want but, you may get a lot of it if you keep an open mind.
7. Be as democratic as the situation permits

​With the arrival of Spring, plants are blooming, birds are chirping, and temperatures are getting warmer. Many of us experience a surge of energy and the desire to be out in nature. For some that means spending time with friends and family as they enjoy a BBQ, a trip to the beach, a picnic in the park. For others, more physically involved activities such as biking, kayaking, swimming, gardening, running, etc, are more appealing.
Becoming active and being more in touch with nature can greatly contribute to our wellbeing and sense of purpose. It may also improve our physical health while stimulating us to produce and secrete neurochemicals, hormones, minerals and supplements that allow our bodies to recharge and restore themselves.  At the same time, being mindful of these moments as you enjoy nature and the company of people you care about, can also contribute to good mental health and stress relief.  Stopping to “smell the roses” and take in an invigorating and peaceful surrounding can go a long way.  Focusing on what ours senses are taking in, colors, shapes, smells, sounds, sensations in the body, may connect us with a reality that is pleasing and revitalizing and pull you away from thoughts that are not linked to the present moment. Moreover, these mental pictures can stay in the background of our minds as we rush through the tasks and responsibilities of the week, focusing on deadlines and obligations at work and home.
So, as you “Spring into action”, don’t forget to take time to “stop and smell the roses”, to stop and celebrate life.
 

​The summer Is often associated with fun, outdoor activities and vacations and many families tend to spend more time together for a longer period of time.  Some families go on trips, others spend time at home working and relaxing together, etc. While more time together can lead to increased closeness and bonding, it can also lead to more conflict and often struggle.
Families, who have learned to view conflict as a natural part of human interactions and not as a “bad” thing that needs to be avoided at all costs, tend to report greater wellbeing when spending time with one another. These families have developed strategies for resolving conflicts and for coping with the feelings that conflict may bring about.  While mom may want everyone to have dried up from the beach, before sitting at the table to have lunch, the children, and sometimes the spouse may be more pressed by their hunger and less motivated to change into dry clothes.  At night, some of the members of the family may prefer to play a board game, while others would rather watch a movie on TV. Because conflict is bound to erupt when the needs of the people in a group are different and/or in opposition, having strategies for dealing with it, may not just be helpful but indispensable for a fight free fun vacation. 
Negotiating conflict in an effective manner may be guided by two simple guidelines:

1. Keep your own cool! During any given conflict the only person responsible for regulating his or her emotions and keeping his/her cool it’s me. When I expect others to calm me down or “make me feel “better, everyone loses, including me.
2. The problem is the problem! Just because there is a problem it does not mean that anyone is the problem.  The more you focus on the problem “not getting the chairs wet”, “starving after the beach”, the more likely you are to find solutions to the arising conflict, i.e.  using the balcony furniture to eat. 

In addition, following the steps below may help you negotiate conflict in a more effective manner:

1. Identify the problem or problems as everyone sees it or them. Different people may see the same problem differently or see other problems.
2. State the facts. For this you may want to focus on the present and avoid guilt inducing statements or absolutes such as: “you always get your way”, “we never do what I want”.  You could, instead, focus on what you need or want today and why: “I’d rather watch TV today, because I am very tired and will not be much fun to play with”.
3. Identify the feelings involved, and validate them for yourself and others: “It seems you are very tired”. Remember, feelings are just feelings they are neither right nor wrong.   At the same time, just because you validated them, this does not mean that you need to accept inappropriate behaviors: “Although you are tired, I would like you to put your swimming trunks to dry, before you go to bed”.
4. Generate solutions, where everyone has an opportunity to participate and

• Weight the solutions with  (+) and (-)
• Agree to disagree
• Be as democratic as the situation permits 

​The first month of the year often turns into a time of reflection and self-evaluation. Whether pushed by the messages of the media and pop-culture that insist on selecting the 100 most powerful people of the year, or try to highlight moments in the past year that stood out for being the most funny, or most shocking, etc., we usually find ourselves reflecting on our own accomplishments and failures as well as our own “most moments”. We review the promises we made to ourselves and possibly others a year ago, evaluate our efficacy at keeping these promises and try to assess what or who kept us from achieving our goals.

However, not so many of us take some time to truly reflect on what our goals are and how they originated.  What if instead of following popular trends and media influences that often push us in a direction of “more”, “larger”, and “faster” we took a different attitude when thinking about our goals or better yet the meaning they give to our daily lives.  What if we followed these 10 tips to more meaningful New Year Resolutions?

1. Set time aside for meditating/praying about your true values and your direction in life.
   Away from everyone else, in a quiet, place spend some time allowing yourself to relax and shut off all the outside noise, so that you can be left alone with yourself and the inner voice in you. Be mindful of your body, pace your breathing, notice your sensations and slowly switch the focus inward. Do this for 20 minutes or more.
2. Begin to contemplate the following questions: What do I value in life? (be specific: relationships and family, professional or financial success, health and fitness, knowledge, spiritual growth, etc.). Where do I feel most fulfilled? Whose company I enjoy the most and/or miss the most? What makes (would make) me feel the most accomplished and successful? What (not who) makes (would make) me feel the most connected to others and most helpful?
3. Meditate on these answers and write them down. Be aware that it may take several of these meditation sessions and you may need to revise this answers as you begin to enjoy this time of connection. These answers may help you not just “find who you are”, but “create who you want to be”.
4. Generate a short list of long term meaningful goals that may not only be rewarding when you achieve them, but will also allow you to enjoy the journey as you work toward them. 
5. Find “Rewarding Peaks” along the way (i.e., if the goal is to go back to school to start a new career, find subjects you can enjoy learning, celebrate every semester, use some of the knowledge you begin to acquire to give back to the community and help others).
6. Generate a list of short term goals that will help you get there (i.e., study for the admissions test, enroll, obtain the financial support, find the social support that can help you with encouragement and with managing your schedule).
7. For every short term goal, generate a list of steps that will take you there (i.e., to study for the admissions test:  separate realistic and effective time slots you can use to study, allocate the resources (study materials, tutoring), establish deadlines for the completion of different review sections, set the date for when you will take the test, etc.).
8. Generate a list of possible obstacles that may interfere with the steps you outlined (i.e., events in the family or at work may interfere with your meeting the review deadlines).
9.  Generate a list of alternative solutions, from most desirable to least desirable (i.e., adjusting your study time, not participating in the event, postponing the test).
10. Be courageous but be flexible, be creative, but keep it real, and be successful one step at the time.
    
    Let this new year be meaningful and purpose driven for you!

​As the holidays approach, many begin to gather to enjoy the company of family and friends. At an office party, a friends gathering, a family banquet we enjoy the company of the people we work with, care for and love. Sometimes, however these gatherings may go sour when someone is disconnected from the tone of the festivity and celebrates in an exaggerated or inappropriate manner. This someone may have difficulties managing his/her intake of alcohol and/or be under the influence of substances that alter his/her perception of reality and mood, and hinders his/her ability to regulate his/her behavior and recognize the impact he/she is having on others.
For many, especially those who are closest to these people, it becomes almost a reflex to try to control and monitor their behavior, regardless of the futility of our efforts to make them change it, or how short-lived their “change” may be, if any takes place.  No matter how hard we try, usually the uncontrolled behavior tends to escalate, ultimately leading to frustration and anger both on us and the disruptive person, and  it may even end in aggression and violence.
Accepting that we can’t control the behavior of others, no matter how hard we try, will save us from unnecessary struggles during and beyond the upcoming festivities. After all, people usually end up doing what is admissible or necessary to them, no matter how hard we may try to persuade them, especially if they are under the influence of substances that alter their conscious state. Not only that, but when we take responsibility for monitoring the behavior of others, we rid them from the responsibility to monitor and manage their own behavior. In other words, we enable them to continue their comportment without any direct consequences to them. In doing so, we become a deflecting shield that ultimately may contribute to perpetuate the undesired to us behavior.
 When planning for the holidays or in your interaction with people who have difficulties with substance abuse or anger, or any other unhealthy activity such as overeating, shopholism , etc., we recommend the following measures:
1. Plan ahead and define in advance what you want to get out of the party for yourself, even if others decide not to enjoy it ("I want to spend time talking with my family", " I Wanna Dance", "I'll enjoy good food," etc.).
2. Set clear limits for the behaviors you are not willing to tolerate.
3. Clearly explains the consequences if these boundaries are violated and be willing to follow through ("if you continue talking in this way our conversation will end”," "if you decide to drink uncontrollably do not expect me to interact with you ", “I will not ride in a car with you if you drink", etc.)
4. Let go of the need to control the situation and focus on your own needs, desires and plans. You may have your hands full with trying to manage unwanted behaviors of your own.
5. Surround yourself with people that can offer support without judging and be willing to do the same. A word of empathy may be more powerful that a sermon of reproofs.
6. Be willing to forgive while keeping your limits
7. Seek professional help if necessary. There are many relationships that can be saved with proper help.

​With a little less than two weeks to the 2016 Election Day, many of us are experiencing what some have labeled Electoral Anxiety.  Almost on a daily basis, we hear explosive and attention grabbing news about both candidates and their campaigns. We are exposed to political ads and commentaries that often provoke emotionally charged reactions, about the candidates and their supporters, our future and the future of our country. Some people have found themselves yelling at the TV set or the computer screen as they react to a debate comment or a news-anchor’s statement. Others, overcame by indignation have been involved in heated political debates with friends and relatives often resulting in strained relationships and severed communication.
Angrily reacting to news about government corruption and unlawful proceedings on behalf of Hillary Clinton, many Americans have become doubtful and mistrusting of her as many others have been alarmed by Trump’s volatility and his alleged treatment of women.  A common denominator for both camps:  those who prefer Trump and fear Clinton as well as those who are doubtful of Trump and side with Clinton, all seem to have adopted an apocalyptic view of what’s to come if the candidate they have embraced were not elected president on November 8th.  This catastrophic view, commonly present in anxiety, is what’s at the core of a heightened state of unease throughout our country, and is what is affecting many of our daily interactions, and relationships. It seems to be keeping Americans on edge at work, at school and at home.
Anxiety and anger are usually triggered by perceptions of environmental threats and lack of control, and they are reinforced by catastrophic and/or dichotomous (black-and-white) thinking about the situations we face. Because this heighten level of tension leads to a hindered ability to rationally and effectively solve problems and if prolonged, it can have detrimental consequences for our health, it is recommendable that we take steps toward counteracting it and alleviating its effects. Some of the steps below may help with doing this:

1. Take control of what you can by voting your conscience, if possible through early voting, and by liming your exposure to political and election related news.
2. Find points of connection with others by focusing on values and issues rather than on the candidates or their campaigns.
3.  Be respectful about differing views and avoid personalizing them.
4.  Set boundaries with coworkers, classmates, friends and relatives to reflect your level of comfort or discomfort, discussing political or election related issues.  It’s ok to establish a “ban on political debates” with them.
5. Monitor your thinking, and challenge catastrophic and dichotomous thoughts (“the world will end on November 9th if my candidate does not win”) and consider more rational thoughts (“many things can change, but many will stay the same”, “we will get another “go-at-it” in 4 years”).
6. Adopt a mindful approach and spend time away from TV, preferably doing outdoor activities and focusing on your immediate surroundings.
7. Establish a balanced life-style that includes learning, working, entertaining, socializing, and spiritual nurturing.  

Remember while stress is a normal part of our existences, a prolonged experience of stress can lead to negative psychosocial and physical consequences. If you feel that anxiety is present more often than not in your life and it is interfering with your daily functioning, it may be recommendable that you seek the help of a mental health professional. 

International Women's Day (IWD) is celebrated on March 8 every year with a focus that ranges from a general celebration of respect, appreciation and love towards women to a celebration for women's economic, political, and social achievements. It started as a socialist political event with the intent of highlighting women as an emerging political and economic force and as part of the working class, especially in countries like Russia at the beginning of the 20th century. Today, this holiday has blended in the culture of many countries. In most regions, the day has lost its political spirit, and has become more of an occasion for men to express their love and admiration for women (mothers, wives, girlfriends, teachers, coworkers, etc.) in a way somewhat similar to a mixture of Mother's Day and Valentine's Day. In some regions, however, the political and human rights theme designated by the United Nations runs strong, and political and social awareness of the struggles of women worldwide are brought out and examined in a hopeful manner.

The earliest Women’s Day observance was held on February 28, 1909, in New York; it was organized by the Socialist Party of America in remembrance of the 1908 strike of the International Ladies' Garment Workers' Union. In August 1910, an International Women's Conference was organized to precede the general meeting of the Socialist Second International in Copenhagen, Denmark. Inspired in part by the American socialists, German Socialist Luise Zietz proposed the establishment of an annual 'International Woman's Day' (singular) and was seconded by fellow socialist and later communist leader Clara Zetkin, although no date was specified at that conference. The following year, on March 19, 1911, IWD was marked for the first time, by over a million people in Austria, Denmark, Germany and Switzerland who went out on more thatn 300 demonstrations demanding that women be given the right to vote and to hold public office. They also protested against employment sex discrimination. From here many Americans continued to celebrate National Women's Day on the last Sunday in February, which then turned into the first Sunday of March and evolved into a March 8th celebration.

In 1978, the school district of Sonoma, California participated in Women's History Week, an event designed around the week of March 8 (International Women's Day), which propagated among many women’s organizations that began to celebrate this week as Women’s History week. In February 1980, President Jimmy Carter issued a presidential proclamation declaring the week of March 8, 1980, as National Women's History Week. In 1981, responding to the growing popularity of Women's History Congress passed a resolution, which authorized and requested the President to proclaim the week beginning March 7, 1982 as “Women’s History Week. Throughout the next several years, Congress continued to pass joint resolutions designating a week in March as Women’s History Week and schools across the country also began to have their own local celebrations of Women's History Week and even Women's History Month. By 1986, fourteen states had declared March as Women's History Month, so in 1987, after being petitioned by the National Women's History Project, Congress passed a resolution which designated the month of March 1987 as Women’s History Month

The March 8 holiday, as one might assume, celebrates the many miracles, large and small, that women perform each day. From caring for children and family to heading multi-million dollar companies, girls really do run the world. The holiday, which coincides with March's Women's History Month, asks people to celebrate the women in their life who inspire them, generally by sharing a purple flower with them. Although not all women are mothers, or wives, or girlfriends, and may not be celebrated on days like Mother’s day they all, including daughters, sisters, teachers, friends, ecclesiastic leaders and co-workers are all worthy recipients of a special lavender bloom that lets them know how much we appreciate them and how much better the world is because they are in it.