We tend to think of the holidays as a joyful time—a season when family and friends come together to have fun and meditate on the year that ends. Yet, our expectations of how this season and the celebrations should go have a great impact on how much we allow ourselves to enjoy them for what they really turned out to be.
At the same time, there are many people for whom the holidays may trigger feelings of nostalgia, melancholia and even dread. For them, instead of looking forward to enjoying the time with family, this time of the year may trigger longing for those loved ones they may not get to see, unhappy memories, preoccupation with financial obligations, confrontations with dysfunctional relatives, and old family traditions that rather than fun have become dated and tiresome. So, the holidays that are often thought of as more of a time for fun, rest and relaxation, for many may be exactly the opposite and they may need our compassion and support.
It may be helpful to remember that even though we may not have control over what other people do, or over the course of different events or situations in our lives during this time of the year, we can consciously choose to take the initiative and recreate our own circumstances as we decide how to respond to these situations. When we take responsibility for how we perceive and face up to our experiences, we may be able to place ourselves in a position to manage even the most challenging of circumstances in a more effective and satisfying manner.
Perhaps this year, you may choose to make the best of the season and not let the impertinent relative at the family gathering interfere with your fun. Maybe the late work shift assigned to you at the last minute can turn into a mini celebration with colleagues and friends. What if as you submit yourself to a preplanned holiday budget, you postpone the rest of the financial planning till the beginning of the year? Or, what if you did not just follow old traditions, but took the initiative to start new customs that may be more relevant and appealing to your current state. You could also use one or two of the five guidelines below to make this holidays joyful and fulfilling:
1. Wear a good attitude and don’t let anyone ruin your dress. Have an optimistic perspective, think and speak of what you want to see happening rather than what you don’t. This will prompt you to having a more enjoyable time and it may help set the mood as it inspires and empowers you and others.
2. Be mindful of your needs and be ready to set boundaries and to disengage from impertinent or negative people. Trying to control other people’s behaviors (excessive drinking, uncomfortable conversations) is not only futile but it can affect you negatively and lead to arguing and defensiveness. A tactful and quiet separation from people who have difficulty with being constructive or celebrating in a measured manner, may protect you and show compassion to them.
3. Be open minded and commit yourself to accept imperfection. What if the pig was not roasted on time, or the turkey was not ready, what if there were not enough napkins, or some people do not seem to be having as good of a time as you expected? Allow the day to unravel naturally and take a mental picture of good and perhaps even precious moments. Note to self: the holidays don’t have to be perfect
4. Plan outdoor activities (passing a volleyball or throwing a football, a stroll on the beach or the park, etc.). This will engage your loved ones in an open setting, away from the stress that sometimes sneaks in during a long holiday and the preparations for it. It may also increase connectivity and excitement among you.
5. Spend time with you. As the madness of the holidays or the celebration unravels, take time to check with you and what you need at any given moment. Caught up by trying to have everything run smoothly you may even forget to tend to your own needs, beginning with physical needs and ending with emotional needs. It’s ok to take time to breath, perhaps go for a walk, take a long bath, or talk to a friend or person whose company you trust and enjoy.
…and may these holidays be filled with joy and peace
At the same time, there are many people for whom the holidays may trigger feelings of nostalgia, melancholia and even dread. For them, instead of looking forward to enjoying the time with family, this time of the year may trigger longing for those loved ones they may not get to see, unhappy memories, preoccupation with financial obligations, confrontations with dysfunctional relatives, and old family traditions that rather than fun have become dated and tiresome. So, the holidays that are often thought of as more of a time for fun, rest and relaxation, for many may be exactly the opposite and they may need our compassion and support.
It may be helpful to remember that even though we may not have control over what other people do, or over the course of different events or situations in our lives during this time of the year, we can consciously choose to take the initiative and recreate our own circumstances as we decide how to respond to these situations. When we take responsibility for how we perceive and face up to our experiences, we may be able to place ourselves in a position to manage even the most challenging of circumstances in a more effective and satisfying manner.
Perhaps this year, you may choose to make the best of the season and not let the impertinent relative at the family gathering interfere with your fun. Maybe the late work shift assigned to you at the last minute can turn into a mini celebration with colleagues and friends. What if as you submit yourself to a preplanned holiday budget, you postpone the rest of the financial planning till the beginning of the year? Or, what if you did not just follow old traditions, but took the initiative to start new customs that may be more relevant and appealing to your current state. You could also use one or two of the five guidelines below to make this holidays joyful and fulfilling:
1. Wear a good attitude and don’t let anyone ruin your dress. Have an optimistic perspective, think and speak of what you want to see happening rather than what you don’t. This will prompt you to having a more enjoyable time and it may help set the mood as it inspires and empowers you and others.
2. Be mindful of your needs and be ready to set boundaries and to disengage from impertinent or negative people. Trying to control other people’s behaviors (excessive drinking, uncomfortable conversations) is not only futile but it can affect you negatively and lead to arguing and defensiveness. A tactful and quiet separation from people who have difficulty with being constructive or celebrating in a measured manner, may protect you and show compassion to them.
3. Be open minded and commit yourself to accept imperfection. What if the pig was not roasted on time, or the turkey was not ready, what if there were not enough napkins, or some people do not seem to be having as good of a time as you expected? Allow the day to unravel naturally and take a mental picture of good and perhaps even precious moments. Note to self: the holidays don’t have to be perfect
4. Plan outdoor activities (passing a volleyball or throwing a football, a stroll on the beach or the park, etc.). This will engage your loved ones in an open setting, away from the stress that sometimes sneaks in during a long holiday and the preparations for it. It may also increase connectivity and excitement among you.
5. Spend time with you. As the madness of the holidays or the celebration unravels, take time to check with you and what you need at any given moment. Caught up by trying to have everything run smoothly you may even forget to tend to your own needs, beginning with physical needs and ending with emotional needs. It’s ok to take time to breath, perhaps go for a walk, take a long bath, or talk to a friend or person whose company you trust and enjoy.
…and may these holidays be filled with joy and peace
RSS Feed
