The summer is ending and most of us have in our minds the
beginning of another school year, especially those of us who have school age
children. Preparing for this time
and getting in the “school mood,” aside from the habitual “back-to-school”
shopping” when parents and children hit the stores to look for school supplies,
also involves getting your child
up to speed and ready to face the new academic year.
Parents of many high schoolers, for instance, especially those entering
their junior and senior years, are concerned with finding the best resources to
prepare their children for the upcoming standardized tests (PSATs, STAs, and
APs.), while other parents of younger students, may be concerned with helping
them finish their summer readings and/or deal with the academic difficulties
they may have experienced in the previous year.
While for many parents and students the beginning of the school
year is an exciting time filled with expectations and plans for a new season in
their lives, for others this can be a time of dread and agony as they are
reminded of the academic struggles their children faced in the previous years,
and brace themselves for the impending frustration and conflict they foresee
ahead.
Many of the latter parents, with the best of intentions
but limited in their educational resources and tools or simply because they are
lacking the time to help their children in this area, arrive at a state of
aggravation and hopelessness that tends to permeate their relationship with
their children, and their family life in general. Indeed,
although most parents want their children to succeed in school, not all of them
are skilled enough or have the resources to understand and help them with
underachievement and school- related behavioral problems which often transfer
into the household. A child’s low grades and academic difficulties are often
seen as a lack of commitment and laziness, while “attitude” problems and
acting-out behavior are interpreted as defiance and rebelliousness.
Anticipating similar conflicts as the once they faced the year before,
many parents may become worried and predisposed, or distant and disengaged.
A more productive and less stress-provoking approach
may be possible if parents become less focused in solving their children’s
problems and fixing their attitudes and more concerned with researching and
learning about the possible causes underlining their child’s underachievement
and behavioral problems. With the help of teachers and other professionals, we
find that children are better served and are helped to thrive both in their
academic lives, and their family and other important relationships when we all
work together to find the roots of the problem and to devise appropriate
intervention strategies with a holistic approach. In
our experience as counselors and coaches of children, adolescents, and their
parents, we have learned that sometimes children’s scholastic or behavioral
problems are not simply the result of laziness, stubbornness, rebelliousness or
bad attitudes. These instead, are often the symptoms of less obvious problems
that can be helped more effectively when their true roots are found. Keep in
mind that most children under normal circumstances:
- Are intrinsically motivated to succeed
- Are genuinely concerned with meeting their parents expectations and those of other important adults in their lives like teachers (who show concern) and coaches
- Face not only academic but also social challenges and pressures on a daily bases at school
- Strive for acceptance by the peer group and are often preoccupied with finding a niche within their school community
- Face similar, and often more
stressors than many adults in today’s world (homework, negotiating relationships
with teachers, peers, and others, extracurricular obligations and after school
activities and clubs)
- Do not have all the tools (some more than others) or the experience to deal with some of the academic and social demands they face.
- Are still growing and developing and, depending on their age, do not have the mental, physical, social, and emotional maturity that many adults have to deal with frustration,
inadequacy, lack of confidence, rejection, failure, etc.
As parents, we may save ourselves a great deal of angst and pain
if we become first researchers concerning our children’s lives, as well as a
mentors who are committed to learn about their needs and act as sounding boards,
before we rush to solve their problems or try to “fix” them.
Second, we can become life-long partners that model the desire to learn
with and from them and to grow together. Lastly, we can be enthusiastic
cheerleaders that, aside from correcting them, affirm their successes, support
them in their defeats and reinforce them in their willingness to persevere and
make meaning of their own journeys.
beginning of another school year, especially those of us who have school age
children. Preparing for this time
and getting in the “school mood,” aside from the habitual “back-to-school”
shopping” when parents and children hit the stores to look for school supplies,
also involves getting your child
up to speed and ready to face the new academic year.
Parents of many high schoolers, for instance, especially those entering
their junior and senior years, are concerned with finding the best resources to
prepare their children for the upcoming standardized tests (PSATs, STAs, and
APs.), while other parents of younger students, may be concerned with helping
them finish their summer readings and/or deal with the academic difficulties
they may have experienced in the previous year.
While for many parents and students the beginning of the school
year is an exciting time filled with expectations and plans for a new season in
their lives, for others this can be a time of dread and agony as they are
reminded of the academic struggles their children faced in the previous years,
and brace themselves for the impending frustration and conflict they foresee
ahead.
Many of the latter parents, with the best of intentions
but limited in their educational resources and tools or simply because they are
lacking the time to help their children in this area, arrive at a state of
aggravation and hopelessness that tends to permeate their relationship with
their children, and their family life in general. Indeed,
although most parents want their children to succeed in school, not all of them
are skilled enough or have the resources to understand and help them with
underachievement and school- related behavioral problems which often transfer
into the household. A child’s low grades and academic difficulties are often
seen as a lack of commitment and laziness, while “attitude” problems and
acting-out behavior are interpreted as defiance and rebelliousness.
Anticipating similar conflicts as the once they faced the year before,
many parents may become worried and predisposed, or distant and disengaged.
A more productive and less stress-provoking approach
may be possible if parents become less focused in solving their children’s
problems and fixing their attitudes and more concerned with researching and
learning about the possible causes underlining their child’s underachievement
and behavioral problems. With the help of teachers and other professionals, we
find that children are better served and are helped to thrive both in their
academic lives, and their family and other important relationships when we all
work together to find the roots of the problem and to devise appropriate
intervention strategies with a holistic approach. In
our experience as counselors and coaches of children, adolescents, and their
parents, we have learned that sometimes children’s scholastic or behavioral
problems are not simply the result of laziness, stubbornness, rebelliousness or
bad attitudes. These instead, are often the symptoms of less obvious problems
that can be helped more effectively when their true roots are found. Keep in
mind that most children under normal circumstances:
- Are intrinsically motivated to succeed
- Are genuinely concerned with meeting their parents expectations and those of other important adults in their lives like teachers (who show concern) and coaches
- Face not only academic but also social challenges and pressures on a daily bases at school
- Strive for acceptance by the peer group and are often preoccupied with finding a niche within their school community
- Face similar, and often more
stressors than many adults in today’s world (homework, negotiating relationships
with teachers, peers, and others, extracurricular obligations and after school
activities and clubs)
- Do not have all the tools (some more than others) or the experience to deal with some of the academic and social demands they face.
- Are still growing and developing and, depending on their age, do not have the mental, physical, social, and emotional maturity that many adults have to deal with frustration,
inadequacy, lack of confidence, rejection, failure, etc.
As parents, we may save ourselves a great deal of angst and pain
if we become first researchers concerning our children’s lives, as well as a
mentors who are committed to learn about their needs and act as sounding boards,
before we rush to solve their problems or try to “fix” them.
Second, we can become life-long partners that model the desire to learn
with and from them and to grow together. Lastly, we can be enthusiastic
cheerleaders that, aside from correcting them, affirm their successes, support
them in their defeats and reinforce them in their willingness to persevere and
make meaning of their own journeys.
RSS Feed
