On the 4th of July, we Americans celebrate Independence Day, a day when the US obtained independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain, today United Kingdom. Before the Declaration of Independence was signed on July 4th 1776, America wasn’t a free country, and colonists felt angry toward Great Britain for always imposing taxes on them and basically telling them how they should live. They no longer wanted to be under British rule and so began starting to make their own government and rules.
As we celebrate this 4th of July, it occurs to me that we all could benefit from declaring our own independence from unproductive and often troubling ways of thinking, feeling and behaving. These can lead to dysfunctional or even destructive relationships with others. In an attempt to control situations, interactions, and people, we may end up feeling frustrated, angry and hopeless; a direct result of the futility of our intentions that usually ends up taking us away from the enjoyment and peace that focusing on here and now can bring.
A 4th-of-july celebration can turn into a nightmare when we find ourselves being in charge of how much a partner, friend, or a relative can drink, eat, dance etc. In trying to control their behavior, we fail to notice that, with luck, we may be able to control our own actions and chose to interact or not with bothersome, repulsive, or hurtful behaviors. Establishing our boundaries with others may prevent or at least reduce the amount and or intensity of interpersonal conflicts. Clearly stating expectations (“I will not be around you when you get like that” or better yet, “I love you, but I do not want to be around that behavior”) may be the beginning of healthier exchanges, especially when they are followed by relevant consequences , such as removing oneself from the undesirable, unproductive or potentially harmful situation or behavior. Allowing others to take responsibility for their own behaviors and ways of relating can free us to take better care of ourselves and deal with our own personal growth. This Independence Day, consider taking a step toward independence from dysfunction and pain.
As we celebrate this 4th of July, it occurs to me that we all could benefit from declaring our own independence from unproductive and often troubling ways of thinking, feeling and behaving. These can lead to dysfunctional or even destructive relationships with others. In an attempt to control situations, interactions, and people, we may end up feeling frustrated, angry and hopeless; a direct result of the futility of our intentions that usually ends up taking us away from the enjoyment and peace that focusing on here and now can bring.
A 4th-of-july celebration can turn into a nightmare when we find ourselves being in charge of how much a partner, friend, or a relative can drink, eat, dance etc. In trying to control their behavior, we fail to notice that, with luck, we may be able to control our own actions and chose to interact or not with bothersome, repulsive, or hurtful behaviors. Establishing our boundaries with others may prevent or at least reduce the amount and or intensity of interpersonal conflicts. Clearly stating expectations (“I will not be around you when you get like that” or better yet, “I love you, but I do not want to be around that behavior”) may be the beginning of healthier exchanges, especially when they are followed by relevant consequences , such as removing oneself from the undesirable, unproductive or potentially harmful situation or behavior. Allowing others to take responsibility for their own behaviors and ways of relating can free us to take better care of ourselves and deal with our own personal growth. This Independence Day, consider taking a step toward independence from dysfunction and pain.
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